In-Between
Recently, I have seen a post on social media about this theory of being a person of in-between referring to people who left their birthplace and immigrated to a new country. The principle of this proposition was that even after years of living in the new culture one did not become part of it, but did also gradually lose the connection with one’s native culture.
I left my home country, Hungary, in 2006 to pursue a new life in the United Kingdom. In my late teens and early twenties, I watched many of my friends relocate to this island on the west coast of Europe and tell compelling stories about the fantastic life they lived in London and other major metropolitan areas. I was particularly enchanted by London. It represented both tradition, history and modernity with a buzzing lifestyle. I looked at photos and watched television programmes showing people living their best lives with awe and I dreamt about being one of them myself one day.
Fast forward 17 years and I am now sitting in a busy restaurant in the middle of the bustling Soho writing in English on my fancy laptop sipping overpriced and mediocre coffee. My dream has come true. I am a Londoner. Though, am I truly a local? Have I actually become British? What qualities or behaviours make us belong to a particular culture? Is there fluidity or do we carry our roots with us forever?
I speak a broken Hungarian. I remember watching an interview decades ago with a Nobel Prize-winning Hungarian scientist who had been living and doing his research work abroad for a while and who was speaking Hungarian with some difficulties. I clearly recall my mum calling this behaviour out saying that this person was pretentious and arrogant. Now I have become this person and my mother’s words echo in my head. Am I a pretentious person now?
I left Hungary because I did not feel that I belonged there. I was gay and despite my mother’s roots and upbringing, she raised me to become an open-minded and curious individual. She provided me all the opportunities to learn and to be more than maybe she could have been. So the post-communist Hungary with its misinterpretation of what democracy was or should be was too small-minded and backward for me and I needed to find a new home with more opportunities. This is how I ended up on the British Isles and I wanted to assimilate from day one.
It was a rainy spring day in May 2006 and I was walking to the train station in Kidderminster crying my eyes out because I was lonely and new, but I was also determined that I would transform myself and find a new identity here. I did not seek out other Hungarians, I did not speak Hungarian - apart from with my mother, obviously - to anyone and I actively encouraged my colleagues and friends - yes, I made some friends soon after settling in; I am gay after all - to correct all my spelling and pronunciation mistakes. I wanted English to turn out to be my first language. I was desperate for this new and in my head, better persona. I started to write my shopping lists, my diary, and my notes in English. I read in English, and I watched movies in English. I learnt all the phrases and idioms that are so unique to English and mainly British English. I was even considering changing my name with deed poll to a more English-sounding one.
After almost two decades things are calmer in my mind. The determination turned into routine. I speak English fluently, I often refer to myself as ‘we’ when I talk about things Britts do and say and I love London with all its idiosyncrasies. I also notice when a movie is shot in Budapest. I exclaim when a Hungarian name pops up in the end credits of a movie. I celebrate when a Hungarian wins in a sports event. I remind people that the Krebs cycle is actually should be called as Szent-Györgyi-Krebs cycle because of the involvement of a Hungarian scientist. I still do not enjoy going back to Hungary, but I love showing around partners and friends in Budapest and playing tourist with them.
I did not and cannot forget where I came from and I am indeed in this beautiful in-between land to where I can bring the best of both worlds with me.
