I did a thing…
It was the morning after the day before and I was feeling thoughtful. I added another first to the list and I came away with mixed emotions. On one hand, this was the most exciting, nerve-wracking, surreal experience in my life. I entered a world of athleticism, sportsmanship and camaraderie where I met people from all walks of life who are dedicated, determined and focused, but also kind, supportive and friendly. Although this was my first time entering a bodybuilding competition, I was made feel welcome from the moment I set foot in the venue. On the other hand, it made me feel somewhat inadequate and question myself whether I belong to this place. More about this later…
Let me tell you, my very first glimpse into this universe was eye-opening; both figuratively and literally.
It started with the tanning. James and I arrived at the hotel in the afternoon and my tanning time was scheduled in the evening, so we had time to settle in and walk. I cannot be grateful enough for his unwavering support during my journey and words will fail me to express this appreciation, but I hope he knows it. Spending time with my pup is how I try to express my gratitude. So we went for a stroll, hand in hand, him looking for more books to buy and me sipping my 150 ml water that I was allowed for the next 24 hours and munching on my protein bar, taking in the scenery of High Wycombe’s Eden shopping centre. Then the time had come for me to drive to the village hall for my registration and tanning. I got my badge and waited to be called. There were other athletes waiting, spray guns hissing, and guys chattering in the background. Janine - I learned her name later on - was running back and forth with a clipboard calling out names.
“Guys, when I call your name, I need you to undress as quickly as possible, put your Sock on and get in one of the the booth!”
I genuinely thought she meant socks to wear on our feet. After a couple of quick peeks between booths, it quickly became evident that she had not made a mistake with the English language by using the singular form of the foot garment. There were gentlemen with chiselled bodies in various stages of tanning wearing just one single Sock. The Sock however was not placed on any of their feet. Oh, no. The Sock was - quite fittingly (or sometimes not; pun intended) - placed on the cock. Surprise and panic took me over. I did not have The Sock. I mean I had socks on my feet, but I did not bring an extra for the required purpose. Janine came to my rescue and provided me with one. Evidently, they had been prepared for newbies like me. My name was called and I dutifully disrobed and placed the ‘crown jewels’ in The Sock and headed to the booths where Christine welcomed me and started painting me with the brown liquid covering every inch - apart from The Sock - with the colour. Then the drying process started where all the lads were standing, chatting, laughing wearing only The Sock. This image was etched in my memory forever and not - in the slightest - in a sexual way.
“Amateur Male Tattooed Fitness Model. Amateur. Male. Tattooed. Fitness Model.”
I could not sleep much that night. As I was tossing and turning in the hotel bed - staining the immaculate white sheets orange - I kept imagining my debut on stage and I practised my routine in my head. Finally, the show day arrived and James and I made our way to the Wycombe Swan Theatre. The backstage was already packed with the female athletes and their coaches and the male competitors were filing in as well. Everyone was in last-minute preparation mode munching on rice cakes drizzled with honey or crunching salty crisps with peanut butter. The drink of the day was plain black coffee. High heels were clicking and poses were practised. The signature resistance bands soon appeared and everyone started pumping their muscles to get ready for the stage. Most of the participants were seasoned athletes who moved around with confidence, but here and there one could spot people who seemed just a little bit out of place. Those were the newbies and I was one of them. I met a young man, ‘Kai with a Greek surname that no one could pronounce’ from Southampton and we started chatting. It was his first-ever show and we were actually competing in the same category (male tattoo fitness model) and he was just as nervous as I was, so we kept boosting and encouraging each other.
I got my second coat and my gosh, I was dark brown. James and Coach were laughing their head off. Strangely, this overt tan evoked a feeling of belonging. As I walked around, I knew that my artificially darkened skin distinguished me from the general public. I was one of the athletes. I was competing. I was not a lifestyle gym goer anymore.
Finally, it was time to line up and go on stage. We lined up in the corridor in our speedos waiting to be led to the side of the stage. I could hear the MC announcing my category and the guys started walking on stage. I was 6th or 7th in the line and was shaking like a leaf. I also panicked. I practised a cool flowing posing routine and to my horror, the stage set-up did not allow that. I had to walk on stage and improvise on the spot. It was a blur. I heard cheering and shouting from the crowd, but mostly everything was a blur. Once my posing was done we lined up for judging and then it was over.
Once backstage, I was able to relax. I felt great. I had done it. I walked on stage and showed off the results of my hard work. I was excited and felt accomplished. It was time to see my best friends who came to see and support me. When they saw me, they jumped up and hugged me and congratulated me and it was the most amazing feeling.
I felt grateful for them being in my life. We watched the show and then I had to head back to backstage to get ready for my second category. I walked back leisurely and immediately was flagged down by one of the organisers. Shockingly, the running order had been changed at the last minute and I missed my second category. I was angry, annoyed and upset at the same time. Insult to injury, there were only 2 other athletes in that category. This meant that worst case scenario I missed out on a bronze medal. I was devastated. James tried to keep my spirit up and also pushed me to see if I could enter another category last minute. I did not want to hear any of that. He then went to Coach and told him this and Coach simply said: you are entering that category. No one said no to Coach, so I walked back and asked Janine if I could enter the Male Fitness Model Over 75kg and she said yes. The head was back in the game and I dutifully ate my rice cake, sipped my water allowance, practised my posing and got on stage a second time and this time I had fun with it. I knew what to expect and I was able to be myself and interact with the crown and the judges more. Then it was over and I could relax, eat a full meal and watch the rest of the show with James and Coach.
The show culminated in the award ceremony. We all got a medal and a certificate for participation. I was so happy with them. I did not place in any of the two categories I entered, but this show was not about winning. It was about experiencing what it was like being on stage and learning anything I could to be better for the next show.
It was 11 PM when we finally could leave and drive home. I could not wait to have a shower and wash off as much of the tan as possible. I slept so well that night. The next day I was back to work as usual, but I was a changed man forever.
