Crafting My Physique
Building a well-defined male body is often associated with vanity or superficiality and the stigma surrounding men's dedication to building their physique is still prevalent in our society. Frankly, I used to believe it to be true. As a professional, I used to feel embarrassed and ashamed for putting so much time and effort into my appearance. I was falsely convinced it was my knowledge and my intelligence that should have solely defined me. As a gay man, I accepted that having a muscular body was the only way to be welcomed into the community. Although the latter is still a painful reality that exists, I have learnt that intelligence, the improvement of knowledge and building a strong, healthy and aesthetic body are not mutually exclusive pursuits. Retrospection and self-reflection led me to acknowledge that for me like for many men and women, a great physique is a result of dedication, commitment, and a desire to improve both their physical and mental well-being.
My line of work is mentally and emotionally demanding. As veterinarians, we have to deal with a range of feelings not just of our own, but clients’ as well. We must possess the emotional range to handle the despair of euthanasia and the joy of welcoming a new puppy or kitten into the family, switching between these very opposite feelings within mere minutes.
“Emotional exhaustion is symptom of burnout, a chronic state of physical and emotional depletion that results from excessive work or personal demands, or continuous stress. It describes a feeling of being emotionally overextended and exhausted by one's work. It is manifested by both physical fatigue and a sense of feeling psychologically and emotionally "drained".”
Physical activity is my number one coping mechanism for emotional fatigue. Weightlifting is a convenient, but challenging way of counteracting the exhaustion of my mind by exerting my body. It also allows me to have my time when I can focus on myself, and recharge my social batteries by limiting the interaction with people. By concentrating on the perfect execution of a movement I block all the distractions around me. It feels like a form of meditation or a trans-like state of mind. In summary, building a strong and healthy physique improves my overall well-being.
Moreover, focusing on my physique goals promotes discipline and perseverance. It requires commitment, consistency, and hard work.
This was a recent epiphany for me. I always enjoyed going to the gym, eating clean, tracking my calories and macros, educating myself on training methods, and reading research papers about exercise and nutrition. It is my hobby and similarly to my vocation, it is my passion. Hence, I have not realised how much hard work I put into this part of my life. I overlooked the commitment and dedication, the consistency and the sacrifices I had to make to get where I am now.
I remember looking at photos of people in the fitness industry on social media and thinking that it would be impossible for me to achieve what they had because I have a demanding job and because I have a different body type. Then this year I had this crazy notion that I wanted to take part in a bodybuilding show. It was my best friend who actually came up with the idea and because I am a highly competitive person and also suffer from ‘FOMO’, I had to go for it, so I signed up with a coach and registered for the competition. The thing I did not realise - I do not know how I did not think of it - was that competing meant I had to learn a posing routine, be on stage in front of people and show off such routine. I am not one who can comfortably move my body in a coordinated manner. I am also not one who can apply the wisdom of “dance like no one is watching” to real life. I am painfully awkward and self-conscious when I have to ‘act’ whatever that means in a given situation. The fact that I have to film myself and then watch it back to analyse my movements gives me night sweats.
“I won't give up, no, I won't give in
'Til I reach the end, and then I'll start again
No, I won't leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail”
I keep listening to Shakira to psych myself up and to keep pushing despite the voices in my head.
“Look how far you've come, you filled your heart with love
Baby, you've done enough, take a deep breath
Don't beat yourself up, no need to run so fast
Sometimes we come last, but we did our best”
Whatever happens in the future, I will keep going, because I want to try everything.
